Feel free to check out my first volume of things my kids say here.
The Engineer: “I love you.”
Me: “I love you, too—“ (turning…and notice that The Engineer is talking to the dog…)
(in front of an audience at the library’s end-of-the-year reading celebration)
The Artist: (into the microphone): “Hello, my name is The Artist, and this is my sister, The Engineer, and she eats dog food and curtains and we didn’t know what to do, so we had to call the doctor—“
(Me, waving frantically for them to take the mic away…)
(me calling the doctor regarding The Engineer eating my curtains… — yes, it really did happen)
Nurse: Yeah, I don’t even know what to tell you about that.
Doctor: That child…she’s our daring one.
Me: “Y’all know Daddy’s birthday is Monday.”
The Artist: “Is he having a cake?”
Me: “Well, Daddy is a diabetic, so a cake really isn’t good for him.”
The Artist: “Oh. But a cake is good for us…”
(in the pool)
The Engineer: “I am mermaid! I am mermaid!”
(after LITERALLY 30 min at the pet store, staring at the cats)
Me: “Are you done?”
The Engineer: “No. I need look.” (pause) “Hi, cat.” (to me) “Help it get out.”
The Artist: “I wish I could go to a party.”
Me: “We just did at the pool this morning!”
The Artist: “That wasn’t a party.”
Me: “Define what a party is for me.”
The Artist: “It’s with balloons and cake. That’s a party.”
(going to a neighbor’s house to see some baby ducks)
Me: “Okay, let’s remember to be gentle and sweet to these baby ducks.”
The Artist: “Yeah, we don’t need to smack them or pull their feathers or close their beaks or anything like that.”
Me: “Well, that got dark fast.”
Thank you! Come back again for more!