#isms, Volume 1

I love conversations with my kids. Every day is a new adventure. The Artist is 5, and The Engineer is 2, and they make me laugh all the time. Not only are they genuinely funny, but for little kids, they have quite a sassy streak, too.

Therefore, welcome to my first #isms post. I call it #isms because I refer to their quotes as #artistisms or #engineerisms. Enjoy!

Me, referring to a stupid driver in front of me: “What is that dinglehopper doing?”
The Artist: “Where’s a dinglehopper?”
Me: “In front of us.”
The Artist: “That’s not a dinglehopper. A dinglehopper is a fork.”
Me: “My mistake.”

The Artist, “reading” “Green Eggs and Ham” to The Engineer: “Did you hear her? She said ‘Bravo’ because I read to her.”
She did not.

Five minutes after The Engineer pooped and peed on the floor (joys of potty training)
The Artist: “How’s it going, Mama?”
Hmmm…

The Engineer frequently tries to escape her car seat…pretty much every day…
The Engineer: “Mama, help.”
Me: “I’m not helping you escape your car seat.”
The Engineer: “Mama, I need help. Call Kyle.”

While playing in the pool…
The Artist: “Don’t fake cry, Mommy. I won’t be gone forever. I have my puddle jumper.”

The Artist: “MAMA! There’s a bug in the car, and it just went under your seat.”
Me (driving): “Are you serious? Are you telling me the truth?”
The Artist: “Yes. It’s a bug. A big bug.”
Me (looking for a place to pull over): “Is it the size of an ant?”
The Artist: “No, it’s a lot bigger.”
Me (basically speeding up and swerving and checking under my feet): “What did it look like?”
The Artist: “It was black and red striped.”
Me (full blown panic): “Are you sure?”
The Artist: “Well, no. I didn’t see its colors. But it’s a bug. A big bug.”
It was a fly.

(after checking the mail and finding an empty mailbox)
The Artist: “When are they going to put something in our mailbox? Like a hippopotamus?”

Me (after reading a book to The Artist about traits): “So where do you get your blue eyes from? Mommy or Daddy?”
The Artist: “Jesus.”